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隔代教育的42條對策之1-10條(8)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2014-01-04 10:57:33編輯：Chen

再次，很多老人喜歡為孩子護(hù)短，孩子因而不怕在家長會上受到老師的批評?；谝陨先c(diǎn)，很多害怕批評的孩子都冒險(xiǎn)撒謊，說父母出差了、生病了，不能來開家長會，于是把爺爺奶奶、外公外婆拉到學(xué)校。老人呢？很多老人認(rèn)為小孩子嘛，犯點(diǎn)錯(cuò)是正常的，父母不必老是批評孩子，于是和孩子配合，演了一場場成功的戲，祖孫兩輩人把父母蒙在鼓里。

父母是教育孩子的核心，而家長會是家長和老師直接交流的寶貴平臺。在家長會上，父母能夠直接了解孩子在學(xué)校各方面的表現(xiàn)，而老師也能結(jié)合孩子在家里的表現(xiàn)，對孩子成長道路上的問題提出全面、有效的改正方案。因此，父母是絕對不能不參加家長會的。那么，父母怎么知道什么時(shí)候開家長會，又說服老人把寶貴的機(jī)會讓給最需要的人呢？

解決這兩個(gè)問題首先要從老人身上入手，父母要讓老人明白以下幾點(diǎn)：

一、參加家長會是父母的權(quán)利，老人不能剝奪這項(xiàng)權(quán)利。老人是長輩，但不是家長，家長的事還需父母負(fù)責(zé)。

二、父母參加家長會的目的，是把孩子的學(xué)習(xí)搞好，讓孩子各方面表現(xiàn)優(yōu)秀。盡管在家長會上可能批評孩子，但這是愛孩子的表現(xiàn)，對孩子要求嚴(yán)格是希望孩子進(jìn)步。

三、老人不忍心批評孩子，會耽誤了孩子的成長，錯(cuò)過了養(yǎng)成優(yōu)秀品格的黃金時(shí)期。盡管老人溺愛孩子，但是為了孩子的成長，已經(jīng)成功養(yǎng)大過一代人的老人最終會接受兒女的意見。

其次，父母要改變自己，改變批評孩子的方式，使孩子不再害怕父母的批評，從而在根本上解決孩子害怕父母參加家長會的問題。那么，父母應(yīng)該如何批評孩子，才能讓孩子更好地接受呢？在這個(gè)問題上，父母應(yīng)該遵循八大原則：

一、尊重孩子。孩子犯錯(cuò)，并不能說明他是壞孩子，他犯的許多錯(cuò)誤都是無心的，只要知錯(cuò)能改，父母就應(yīng)該停止批評。許多父母在孩子犯錯(cuò)時(shí)喜歡把孩子臭罵一頓，這固然可以讓父母出一口氣，但是孩子會覺得十分難堪。兩代人之間的關(guān)系就會大打折扣，隨著父母斥罵次數(shù)的增多，家庭不和諧的氛圍會越來越濃，最終導(dǎo)致兩代人生活的距離很近，心靈的距離卻十分遙遠(yuǎn)。

二、不要當(dāng)面批評孩子。在朋友聚會、家長會等人多的場合，切忌當(dāng)面批評孩子，這會讓孩子顏面無存，以后在同樣的場合就會抬不起頭來。正確的做法是等親戚朋友走了之后，父母和孩子心平氣和地好好談一談。

三、對事不對人。孩子犯錯(cuò)之后，心里會非常緊張，心靈處在崩潰的邊緣，生怕父母嚴(yán)厲批評自己而不再喜歡自己。這時(shí)，倘若父母語氣過重，或者方式過于強(qiáng)烈，都會讓孩子產(chǎn)生誤解，孩子脆弱的心靈就會破碎。因此，父母除了要讓孩子知道自己錯(cuò)在哪里，還要讓孩子明白，做錯(cuò)一件事情并不會導(dǎo)致父母不喜歡他。這樣，孩子才會獲得巨大的力量，促使他改正錯(cuò)誤。

四、在錯(cuò)誤中發(fā)現(xiàn)優(yōu)點(diǎn)。對于一些比較復(fù)雜的錯(cuò)誤，孩子所有事情都做錯(cuò)的可能性較小，這時(shí)，父母不要輕率地全盤否定孩子，而要仔細(xì)分析，在指出錯(cuò)誤的同時(shí)，肯定其中做得對的地方。在批評孩子缺點(diǎn)的同時(shí)表揚(yáng)孩子的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，會減輕孩子的恐懼心理。在對和錯(cuò)的鮮明對比之下，孩子會更深刻地認(rèn)識到自己的錯(cuò)誤，更積極地保持自己的優(yōu)點(diǎn)。

五、首犯必須批評。20世紀(jì)著名的教育家、“教育之家”的創(chuàng)始人、被譽(yù)為“家庭教育之母”的夏洛特·梅森認(rèn)為：“當(dāng)兒童第一次犯錯(cuò)誤的時(shí)候，必須制止他，只需給他們一個(gè)表示遺憾的眼神就可以了。”孩子第一次犯錯(cuò)時(shí)，精神會特別緊張，父母及時(shí)批評孩子，會給孩子留下特別深刻的印象，以后就不會犯同樣的錯(cuò)誤。許多父母對孩子屢教不改感到迷惑不解，主要原因就是沒有在孩子第一次犯錯(cuò)時(shí)作出恰當(dāng)?shù)呐u。

六、不要翻舊賬。嘮叨是許多父母的毛病，他們嘮叨起來沒完沒了，搞得孩子腦袋都快要爆炸了。嘮叨是不對的，在孩子犯錯(cuò)的時(shí)候嘮叨，更是不對。許多父母嘮叨的時(shí)候喜歡“憶往昔”，把孩子以前犯的錯(cuò)誤，不管有沒有改過來，都一股腦兒說出來。

他們以為這樣會加深孩子的印象，其實(shí)不然，說得越多反而越說不清楚，效果比不上三言兩句把話說明白。而且，翻舊賬會讓孩子迷失，讓他們搞不清楚哪些已經(jīng)改過來了，哪些要盡快改過來。最重要的是，嘮叨本身就讓孩子十分反感，用它來批評教育孩子，其效果可想而知。

七、引導(dǎo)孩子自我批評。父母批評孩子是批評的初級階段，引導(dǎo)孩子自我批評是批評的高級階段，其效果要好得多。因此，時(shí)機(jī)恰當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候，父母要讓孩子作一番檢討，反省自己的過錯(cuò)。

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