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隔代教育的42條對(duì)策之1-10條(15)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2014-01-04 10:57:33編輯：Chen

8.“你怎么能這樣跟我說話呢！”——溝通有術(shù)，平息“戰(zhàn)火”

溝通的重要性無須多言，在隔代教育家庭中，父母和老人的溝通尤為重要。溝通不好，不僅會(huì)產(chǎn)生家庭矛盾，更重要的是孩子不知道該聽誰的。時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了，孩子就會(huì)對(duì)長(zhǎng)輩產(chǎn)生不信任。因此，借助良好的溝通填平父母和老人意見上的裂痕，對(duì)孩子的成長(zhǎng)非常有利。

無論父母還是老人，都希望孩子健康成長(zhǎng)，但是因?yàn)轲B(yǎng)育觀念和行為方式的不同，父母和老人在養(yǎng)育孩子的細(xì)節(jié)上有很多差異。錯(cuò)誤的做法對(duì)孩子的成長(zhǎng)極為不利，因此，無論父母還是老人，只要知道錯(cuò)了，都會(huì)欣然改正。那么，正確的一方如何讓錯(cuò)誤的一方知道錯(cuò)了呢？

在這個(gè)問題上，很多父母處理得不是很好。當(dāng)然，這里并不是說老人不能接受自己做錯(cuò)了的事實(shí)，而是父母缺乏溝通技巧，導(dǎo)致不僅小問題沒解決好，還會(huì)引出大問題。那么，父母和老人溝通應(yīng)該注意哪些地方呢？我們先來看一下在給孩子沖奶粉這件事情上，不同的表達(dá)方式后果有什么不同。

第一位媽媽說：“老公，我都跟你說過多少遍了，你就是記不?。∧唐亢芘K，要先洗干凈，再消毒，才能給寶寶裝奶。這么簡(jiǎn)單的事情，每次都要我說你，你真是豬！”爸爸不耐煩地說：“好了好了，我是豬，做不好，那你來做好了！”在客廳看電視的奶奶聽見了，很不高興，跑到廚房說：“如果他是豬，那我和孩子的爺爺是什么？”

第二位媽媽看見婆婆沒有把奶瓶洗干凈就去消毒，不高興了，小聲地對(duì)婆婆說：“媽，奶瓶要先洗干凈才能放到鍋里消毒，要不然效果不好。”婆婆老了，耳朵不大好使，看見兒媳臉色不好看，趕忙問：“什么事？我沒聽清楚，你再說一遍。”媽媽有點(diǎn)不耐煩了，把鍋從婆婆手里拿了過來，還是小聲地說：“算了，還是我來做吧。

”婆婆還是沒聽清楚，看見兒媳滿臉不高興，她也火了：“我是來給你們帶孩子的，再怎么不好，你就直接跟我說啊，怎么能給我這種臉色看呢！”媽媽趕緊說：“媽，我沒有！”“還說沒有，你照鏡子看看你自己。得了，這樣對(duì)我我還待在這里干啥啊！我這就回老家去，眼不見心不煩！”

第三位媽媽說：“老公，奶瓶很臟的，要先洗再消毒，要不然寶寶會(huì)拉肚子的，千萬要記住?。?rdquo;爸爸說：“哦，是啊！可不能讓咱們的寶寶鬧肚子??！我差點(diǎn)沒消毒就沖奶粉了，幸虧你提醒啊，我趕緊再洗一遍，然后好好消毒。”在客廳看報(bào)紙和電視的爺爺奶奶聽見了，抬起頭看了一下對(duì)方，微微一笑，然后又忙著看報(bào)紙和電視了。

從上面三種情況可以看出，不同的表達(dá)方式帶來了不同的效果。前面兩種情況都因?yàn)楦改赣幸鉄o意的態(tài)度給老人造成了理解障礙，導(dǎo)致老人不能及時(shí)明白兒女的意思。

第一種情況，“豬”這個(gè)字在年輕父母心中的含義和在老人心中的含義有很大差別。在年輕父母當(dāng)中，“豬”可以是一個(gè)昵稱，老公把老婆或者老婆把老公稱做“豬豬”的人不少。而在QQ等聊天軟件中，卡通化的“豬”是非?？蓯鄣?，朋友之間經(jīng)常以“豬”的表情來聊天，這并沒有侮辱的意思，而是顯得朋友之間非常親密。即便不高興而稱對(duì)方為“豬”，其批評(píng)的程度也很低。但在老人心中，“豬”是好吃懶做的典型，說一個(gè)人是“豬”，那是不得了的事情。因此，在第一種情況中，父母和老人對(duì)“豬”的表達(dá)意義產(chǎn)生了理解上的差異。

在第二種情況中，兒媳說話的聲音太小，導(dǎo)致婆婆放大了兒媳的不滿。這種情況比較普遍，許多年輕父母想指出老人的不對(duì)，但是不好意思，因此聲音比較小。而老人大都因?yàn)槟昙o(jì)大了，聽力下降，因此聽不清兒女說什么，但是能清晰地看到兒女的表情。在聲音沒有起到溝通效果的時(shí)候，視覺被放大了，導(dǎo)致比較容易解決的小問題變成難以彌補(bǔ)的裂縫。

分析下來，我們可以總結(jié)出，由于詞匯的意義發(fā)生變化、父母沒有意識(shí)到老人身體功能的衰弱、父母面對(duì)老人錯(cuò)誤的做法時(shí)沒有采取有效的溝通方式等多種原因，許多父母難以和老人達(dá)成有效的溝通。在這種情況下，父母非?？鄲?，老人也十分不滿。那么，父母和老人溝通的時(shí)候，應(yīng)該注意哪些地方呢？

最重要的莫過于兩代人要有更多的共同語言了。這里說的“共同語言”不僅包括父母盡量對(duì)老人感興趣的事情同樣抱有興趣，茶余飯后多和老人嘮嗑，還包括父母要盡量使用老人能夠理解的詞匯、語法。兩代人的語言環(huán)境相差二三十年，必定會(huì)發(fā)生許多變化。

特別是網(wǎng)絡(luò)的興盛，許多盛行于網(wǎng)絡(luò)的詞匯深受年輕人的喜愛，但是老人根本沒聽過，更不知道什么意思。年輕人說話的腔調(diào)、夾雜著英文單詞的表達(dá)方式，也讓大多數(shù)老年人看不慣。而老年人老生常談的往事，距離年青一代十分遙遠(yuǎn)。許多鄉(xiāng)村才有的趣事，年輕父母聞所未聞，見所未見，因而這些事情傳達(dá)出來的情感，年輕父母也無法理解。

語言環(huán)境造成了兩代人的一種隔閡，反映在溝通上，表現(xiàn)為兩代人在一起時(shí)很少聊天。在養(yǎng)育孩子這個(gè)共同關(guān)注的焦點(diǎn)上，兩代人在表達(dá)方式上也存在很多差異，造成不良溝通?；诖耍覀兘ㄗh做兒女的要尊重老人的語言環(huán)境，和老人溝通時(shí)盡量使用淺白、簡(jiǎn)短的語言，不要使用新生詞匯。當(dāng)然，新的養(yǎng)育觀念必然產(chǎn)生新的詞匯，這些詞匯父母還是要向老人普及的。

人老了，身體各方面都會(huì)衰弱，在和溝通相關(guān)的聽覺、視覺上，老人都會(huì)出現(xiàn)明顯的功能衰減，諸如看不清楚、聽不清楚等情況頻繁出現(xiàn)。因此，父母必須考慮到這些情況，說話時(shí)不妨大聲點(diǎn)，語速放緩，吐字清晰；寫信、發(fā)郵件時(shí)宜用粗筆，字寫大一些，字跡清晰。身體語言是溝通的重要方式，但是父母在使用身體語言時(shí)，要分清聲音重要還是身體語言重要。像上面的第二種情況，聲音是溝通的主要方式，表情是自然流露。

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