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親子溝通的難題：為什么孩子不愿意傾訴？如何用三個(gè)技巧打破沉默

出處：@妖精媽媽育兒經(jīng)日期：2024-08-09 11:43:45編輯：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集
2019年12月，江蘇南京一名高三女生因?yàn)槌煽?jī)下滑，被父母責(zé)罵和打罵，感到無法忍受而跳樓自殺。據(jù)其同學(xué)透露，該女生平時(shí)很內(nèi)向，不喜歡和父母溝通，也不敢反抗父母的管教。
2020年10月，廣東深圳一名初三男生因?yàn)橥媸謾C(jī)被母親沒收后，在家中服用農(nóng)藥自殺。據(jù)其鄰居稱，該男生平時(shí)很乖巧，但是和母親關(guān)系不好，經(jīng)常被母親打罵和限制自由。
2020年11月，湖北武漢一名高二女生因?yàn)樵诰W(wǎng)上發(fā)表了一些消極的言論而被學(xué)校老師約談，并要求其向班主任匯報(bào)心理狀況。該女生覺得受到了侵犯和羞辱，在回家路上跳入長(zhǎng)江自殺。據(jù)其同學(xué)透露，該女生平時(shí)很孤僻，不喜歡和老師或同學(xué)溝通，也不愿意尋求心理咨詢

 

你是不是也有過這樣的經(jīng)歷，當(dāng)你想和孩子聊聊他在學(xué)校的事情時(shí)，他卻只是敷衍地回答「沒什么」或「不知道」？

你是不是也曾經(jīng)擔(dān)心過，孩子是否有交到好朋友，是否有被同學(xué)欺負(fù)，是否有什么恐懼或困擾？你是不是也想知道，為什么孩子寧愿忍受委屈也不告訴你呢？

如果你有以上的疑問，那么恭喜你，你已經(jīng)邁出了改善親子溝通的第一步——關(guān)心孩子的內(nèi)心世界。但要讓孩子真正打開心扉，還需要一些技巧和耐心。今天我就要跟大家分享一些我在做媽媽和心理師的過程中學(xué)到的方法，希望能幫助大家和孩子建立更親密、更信任、更愉快的關(guān)系。

為什么有些孩子寧可走極端，也不愿告訴父母

首先，我們要了解孩子為什么不愿意跟我們說話。根據(jù)許嬰寧心理師在社交平臺(tái)上分享的案例分析，有七種可能的原因：

- 僅著重生理照顧，忽略心理照顧

- 孩子很早開始就被訓(xùn)練獨(dú)立

- 親子相處時(shí)間少，總在追著時(shí)間跑

- 孩子表達(dá)能力較差，容易被打斷

- 爸媽本身也是較內(nèi)向的人

- 父母對(duì)孩子的「狀況」易怒

- 家中有另一個(gè)占據(jù)爸媽許多注意力的孩子

這些原因都可能導(dǎo)致孩子覺得說了沒有用、沒有好處、甚至?xí)锹闊?。所以我們要做的第一件事就是改變這種觀念，讓孩子感受到我們真誠(chéng)地想聽他們說話，并且會(huì)給予積極、正面、支持性的反饋。

不到傾訴，恐影響孩子一生

你有沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)，有些孩子很愛跟父母說話，有些孩子卻很少開口？你有沒有想過，這可能跟你的傾聽方式有關(guān)？如果孩子覺得跟你說話沒意思、沒用處或者會(huì)被批評(píng)，他們就會(huì)選擇沉默。而這種沉默可能會(huì)影響他們一生的情緒和人際關(guān)系。

為什么孩子不愿意傾訴？

直觀而言，只要孩子認(rèn)為說了沒有好處，就不會(huì)有想傾訴的欲望。反之，若他認(rèn)為告訴父母可能會(huì)得到安慰、幫助、教導(dǎo)、鼓勵(lì)或最基本的——會(huì)被好好傾聽，就有可能會(huì)跟父母分享。許嬰寧心理師進(jìn)一步指出，年齡尚幼的孩子大多沒什么「真心朋友」可以訴苦，甚至可能大多的苦還是朋友搞的。孩子被欺負(fù)、欺負(fù)別人、交不到朋友、害怕獨(dú)自上廁所，如果在家里得不到傾訴，可能會(huì)對(duì)他們的情緒調(diào)節(jié)造成長(zhǎng)期的傷害，未來演變成過度獨(dú)立、疏離、不信任、逞強(qiáng)的人。更嚴(yán)重的是，他們可能會(huì)在人際關(guān)系中缺乏溝通的動(dòng)力，因?yàn)椴辉缓煤脙A聽，就不懂得如何傾聽別人。

你有沒有想過，為什么有些孩子和父母的關(guān)系很親密，而有些孩子卻很難和父母溝通呢？

其實(shí)，這和父母的傾聽方式有很大的關(guān)系。如果你想培養(yǎng)孩子的溝通意愿，那么你就要學(xué)會(huì)好好傾聽，給予孩子足夠的信任和尊重。在這篇文章中，我將分享3個(gè)改善親子溝通的技巧，讓你和孩子之間的對(duì)話更加順暢、有趣和有效。

技巧1.善用時(shí)間和孩子溝通

你可能覺得自己每天都在忙碌，沒有時(shí)間和孩子聊天。但其實(shí)，只要你抓住一些機(jī)會(huì)，就可以利用碎片時(shí)間來增進(jìn)親子關(guān)系。比如說，在吃晚飯時(shí)，你可以問問孩子今天在學(xué)校發(fā)生了什么有趣或不開心的事情；在接送孩子時(shí)，你可以跟他分享一些自己小時(shí)候的趣事或經(jīng)驗(yàn)；在睡前時(shí)，你可以陪他讀一本故事書或者給他講一個(gè)故事。這些都是很好的溝通時(shí)機(jī)，讓孩子感受到你對(duì)他的關(guān)心和重視。

技巧2.專注傾聽與回應(yīng)

當(dāng)你和孩子對(duì)話時(shí)，不要分心做其他事情，比如看手機(jī)、電腦或電視。這樣會(huì)讓孩子覺得你不重視他說的話，也會(huì)影響他表達(dá)自己的意愿。相反地，當(dāng)孩子說話時(shí)，要用眼神、微笑、點(diǎn)頭等肢體語言來表達(dá)出你在認(rèn)真傾聽。同時(shí)，在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候給予一些反饋或提問，比如「真的嗎？」「那后來呢？」「那你覺得怎么樣？」等等。這樣可以讓對(duì)話更加流暢，并且激發(fā)孩子更多地分享自己的想法和感受。

技巧3.先同理，不要急著說教

如果每次當(dāng)孩子遇到問題或困難時(shí)告訴你，都被你批評(píng)或教訓(xùn)一番。那么久而久之他就會(huì)害怕跟你說實(shí)話了。因此，在處理問題之前，請(qǐng)先試著理解并尊重孩子的感受。比如說：「我知道摔倒了很疼啊」「我能理解被同學(xué)嘲笑了很難過啊」等等。然后再給予一些安慰、建議或幫助：「摸摸看還疼不疼？我們?nèi)ハ聪磦诎伞埂赋靶e人是不對(duì)的行為?。∥覀兛梢韵胂朐趺磻?yīng)對(duì)吧」等等。這樣既能緩解孩子的情緒，并且也能幫助他學(xué)習(xí)如何解決問題。

總之，在培養(yǎng)孩子溝通意愿方面，請(qǐng)記住以下三個(gè)字：時(shí)間、專注、同理！只要做到這三點(diǎn)，并且持之以恒地練習(xí)與改進(jìn)，在不久后您就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)您與您家小朋友之間已經(jīng)建立起了良好而緊密無間的親子關(guān)系。

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