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你和孩子說(shuō)話的語(yǔ)氣決定了孩子的情商和智商，好父母充分尊重孩子

出處：@育兒曾若山日期：2024-06-30 10:20:42編輯：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集

我們都知道培養(yǎng)孩子的自主能力是非常重要的。自主的孩子會(huì)更獨(dú)立，也會(huì)讓父母更省心，而要實(shí)現(xiàn)這一點(diǎn)，我們首先就要尊重孩子，就是要把孩子當(dāng)作獨(dú)立的個(gè)體，尊重孩子是他自己，讓孩子發(fā)展和規(guī)劃他自己的人生，而不是由父母做主，給他規(guī)劃好，沿著父母規(guī)劃好的軌跡走。

很多父母有這樣的認(rèn)識(shí)，孩子是我生的，我想打想罵都可以，而且小孩子能懂什么？我們尊重孩子，那還不把他們捧上天，以后他們都變得無(wú)法無(wú)天，我們豈能管得??？其實(shí)持這種觀點(diǎn)的父母就是沒把孩子當(dāng)成獨(dú)立的個(gè)體，而是把孩子看成是自己的所有物。

現(xiàn)在很多父母都給孩子報(bào)各種班，很多父母都不是根據(jù)孩子的意愿和興趣去報(bào)的，而是自己覺得這個(gè)學(xué)好，那個(gè)學(xué)了好，根本就沒有考慮孩子的感受。曾經(jīng)有一個(gè)朋友的孩子，鋼琴?gòu)椀搅?0級(jí)，在我們眼中孩子是極其優(yōu)秀的，可令我們沒想到的是，有一天孩子對(duì)父母歇斯底里地喊道：“我最討厭的就是鋼琴，從來(lái)你們都沒有問(wèn)過(guò)我喜歡什么？什么鋼琴10級(jí)，什么在你們眼中所謂的榮譽(yù)，這些都不是我想要的，別人有快樂的童年，而我卻只能每天坐在那里不停地練琴，你們考慮過(guò)我的感受嗎？我寧愿什么都不要！”孩子父母被震驚了，長(zhǎng)久以來(lái)，孩子都是他們的驕傲，他們也自以為孩子是快樂的。

可憐的孩子，父母不遺余力為孩子營(yíng)造未來(lái)，卻忽視了孩子真正閃光的東西，忽視了孩子的快樂，讓孩子失去了本該自由自在的童年。

我們經(jīng)常會(huì)聽到用在孩子身上的這些詞，比如“不聽話”、“淘氣”、“固執(zhí)”、“不懂事”、“叛逆”，其實(shí)這些都是大人給孩子貼上的各種概念化標(biāo)簽。

給孩子貼標(biāo)簽實(shí)際上是在不斷地給孩子和父母以暗示，不斷地強(qiáng)化孩子和父母對(duì)這種概念的印象，久而久之，這種印象就會(huì)固定下來(lái)，而孩子也極有可能變成你給他貼上標(biāo)簽的那樣的孩子。到最后，家長(zhǎng)也只能很無(wú)奈地想：“反正我這孩子就這樣了，管也管不了，就隨他去吧！”

當(dāng)我們?cè)诿鎸?duì)孩子發(fā)生這些情況時(shí)，我們一定要找到發(fā)生這個(gè)現(xiàn)象的真實(shí)原因，尋找正確的解決辦法，而不是簡(jiǎn)單地給孩子下定義，貼標(biāo)簽。

記得之前帶大寶出去和朋友一起玩耍，朋友見著孩子第一句話說(shuō)：“這丫頭越長(zhǎng)越漂亮了！”，緊接著來(lái)了第二句話：“就是長(zhǎng)得太黑了，女孩子還是長(zhǎng)得白皙一點(diǎn)更好看！”大寶當(dāng)時(shí)沒說(shuō)話，但我看到了她流露出了不高興的表情，我也適時(shí)制止了朋友繼續(xù)說(shuō)下去?；丶液?，大寶就跟我說(shuō)：“我長(zhǎng)得如何是我自己的事，不喜歡被阿姨那樣說(shuō)。”

大寶這樣說(shuō)，我能理解，因?yàn)樗仟?dú)立的個(gè)體，她有自己的尊嚴(yán)，她有權(quán)利保護(hù)自己的尊嚴(yán)不受到侵犯。但是因?yàn)楹⒆用鎸?duì)的是一群長(zhǎng)輩，可能她自己沒有辦法去應(yīng)對(duì)長(zhǎng)輩們對(duì)她的評(píng)頭論足，那作為我們父母就要幫助孩子避免和擺脫這種窘境。大家一起聚會(huì)時(shí)，我們可以少談孩子，如果確實(shí)不可避免，我們可以只簡(jiǎn)略說(shuō)，當(dāng)遇到比較性的話題時(shí)，馬上避開，遇到評(píng)價(jià)性的話題時(shí)，可以“制止”。

我們那一代可能很多都是在父母嚴(yán)厲管教下長(zhǎng)大的，父母對(duì)我們都是采取“大棒政策”，挨打挨罵是常事，偶爾聽到那個(gè)小朋友說(shuō)自己父母不打他們，我們都羨慕得不行，所以當(dāng)時(shí)就暗暗發(fā)誓，以后自己有了孩子一定不會(huì)打罵他，一定會(huì)溫和對(duì)待孩子。

研究表明，很多被父母嚴(yán)厲管教出來(lái)的孩子在管教下一代時(shí)也會(huì)不由自主地用同樣的方式去管教自己的孩子。這是童年父母帶給他們的創(chuàng)傷，他們把這種童年帶來(lái)的怒火發(fā)泄到了自己孩子的身上，這實(shí)際上是不利于孩子的成長(zhǎng)，也不利于親子關(guān)系的和諧發(fā)展的。

結(jié)語(yǔ)：孩子是獨(dú)立的個(gè)體，我們只有充分尊重他們，在親子關(guān)系中才能更和諧，孩子也會(huì)朝我們所期望的方向發(fā)展。

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