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我罵你是為你好 這樣教對嗎

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-15 18:51:56編輯：秩名
圖片來源：太平洋親子網(wǎng)
　　作為父母，我們都希望能盡自己最大的可能去教育好自己的孩子，讓孩子健康快樂成長，成為一個優(yōu)秀的人。可是出發(fā)點十分正確的我們卻可能因為一句“為你好“陷進(jìn)一種可怕的教育邏輯中。你會常對孩子說“為你好“嗎?
 
 
　　“為你好“這句話幾乎無處不在，小的時候，你爸爸媽媽會對你說，老師會對你說，你幾乎是浸在這樣的句式中長大的。神奇的是，這句式居然什么行為動作都能套進(jìn)去呢!
 
　　我罵你是為你好，我打你是為你好，我不讓你和同學(xué)出去玩是為你好，我來拿你和別人家的孩子比是為你好，長大了干涉擇業(yè)，催婚逼婚通通都可以套上一句“為你好”。今天，同樣和大家分享兩個身邊小故事，其實都是一些很普遍的現(xiàn)象。
 
　　故事一
 
　　這是發(fā)生在星星一個小堂姐身上的故事。我們家族每年年初八都會在搞一次家庭聚會。大人們會做做拿手好菜一起分享，聊聊天什么的。孩子們會一起玩鬧，本來場面甚是溫馨可貴。
 
　　每每晚飯之后，孩子們又有了新的精氣神繼續(xù)做小游戲的時候，星星的小堂姐Joo的媽媽就會開始在她身邊催促她，叫她趕緊收拾心情，要準(zhǔn)備回家練琴了。
 
　　星星的小堂姐Joo今年6歲，4歲的時候開始學(xué)習(xí)鋼琴，每天練琴至少3個小時以上。平時孩子有各自的日程表，爸媽們也各自忙于工作，難得過年相聚一天，孩子們當(dāng)時正在用撲克牌玩著一種叫作“拍棉花”的游戲。前一秒，還聽見Joo很爽朗的笑聲，下一秒就聽見她在那里哇哇大哭。同時還伴隨著她媽媽的大聲指責(zé)——
 
　　上次去老師家，老師說你指法還不熟悉，還多加練習(xí)。都要考級了，叫你回家，還在這里玩玩玩!你知道我為了你練琴，花了多少錢多少精力嗎!哭什么哭，還不是為你好!
 
　　Joo兩頰通紅，小手?jǐn)€的很緊。眼淚嘩啦啦地流。原來，玩性正起的Joo在媽媽的催促下還是很想多留下來玩一會，于是心急的媽媽掐了她一下，在加上一頓“為你好”言語炮彈，這個6歲的小女孩百口莫辯，只能委屈地大聲哭起來了。
 
　　社會的競爭及激烈、殘酷，很多爸媽更是為了讓自己的孩子能夠贏在起跑線上，總是費(fèi)心費(fèi)力地為孩子安排輔導(dǎo)班，興趣愛好班等等。爸爸媽媽工作繁忙，生活瑣事雜多，有時候?qū)χ⒆泳腿菀讻]有耐心。其實誰都沒有辦法辯駁，父母為了孩子好的真心?？墒鞘欠裰灰蛑?ldquo;為你好”的便簽，就能不顧方法，無視技巧地橫沖直撞嗎?
 
　　答案自然是否定的。只是平時我們總是慣性地沒有去思考過這個問題而已。每個人都有放松自己和偷小懶的時候，我們是不是應(yīng)該可以和孩子商量再作出約定，比如我們再玩到幾點幾點，我們就應(yīng)該回家繼續(xù)練琴了?；蛘呓裉旖o你放假玩耍，但是明天要比平時多練習(xí)2個小時哦!
 
　　給孩子一定的選擇余地，而不是硬生生地要求一個心智未全的孩子立刻放下手中的玩具跟你去學(xué)習(xí)，或者只會在所有人面前一直不停地念叨著：媽媽這是為你好!
 
　　一來，這會讓一個已經(jīng)有了羞恥心的孩子在大庭廣眾之下，特別是在自己的小伙伴的面前無法抬頭，不能自處。另一方面會削弱她和你的親密感。最后，這樣的行為還會間接負(fù)面影響孩子對于學(xué)習(xí)的興趣。
 
　　故事二
 
　　還有個隔壁鄰居的孩子叫芳芳，小姑娘今年才剛上小學(xué)。我總是能時不時地聽到她媽媽厲聲訓(xùn)斥她，這漢語拼音背了多少遍了，為什么總是記不下來!你為什么老是這么笨啊!有這么難嗎?為什么老是默寫錯誤呢!
 
　　接著就是孩子大段時間的哭泣。然后中間就總會夾雜著她媽媽的“安慰”——媽媽罵你這也是為了你學(xué)習(xí)能好，知道嗎?媽媽是愛的你，不然媽媽怎么不罵隔壁家的孩子就罵你一人呢?
 
　　聽完我也是哭笑不得。有時候家長的神邏輯你根本也無力辯駁。“媽媽罵你是為你好，不然媽媽怎么去罵別人家的孩子呢。”聽著好像沒錯，可是仔細(xì)想想這當(dāng)中的邏輯，卻多少有些蠻橫。因為本著對孩子好的真心，不論言行是否得到，教育是否有效，這樣的邏輯原本就是沒有道理的。
 
　　當(dāng)孩子的學(xué)習(xí)出現(xiàn)問題，我們是不是應(yīng)該靜下來幫助孩子分析緣由。是學(xué)習(xí)狀態(tài)不好，學(xué)習(xí)的時候不能集中注意力，還是學(xué)習(xí)方法出現(xiàn)了問題了呢?我們應(yīng)該理智地尋求解決問題方法，而不是一味地只是責(zé)怪孩子不好好學(xué)習(xí)，斷定孩子笨，沒有用功······有沒有想過表面上你的責(zé)怪是為了孩子好，實際上，那只是你情緒的宣泄，那并不是孩子要的所謂的“好”。
 
 
　　我們明明是真心為了孩子好，卻反而讓孩子反感，不能接受，這是一種教育失敗。我們明明是孩子最親密無間的親人，可是卻偏偏用了最尖酸刻薄的生硬方式去和孩子說話。
 
　　我們明明是為了孩子好，卻用了孩子最不能接受的方式。最后孩子也得不到最好的教育效果，爸媽們也會因為孩子的不聽管教而失望傷心。
 
　
 
　　所以，爸爸媽媽們，下次在和孩子說“為你好”之前，請用最合理的方式對待孩子。而不是打著這旗號，做著最無效的溝通!

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