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寶媽注意啦！育兒不是單選題，千萬(wàn)別只靠網(wǎng)友！

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2024-07-25 14:25:21編輯：秩名

育兒不是單選題

 
常常有媽媽焦慮地到處問(wèn)：“我家寶寶如何如何……寶寶這是怎么了？我該怎么辦？”一旦得到專家回答，便奉若真經(jīng)，依教奉行，以為依樣畫(huà)葫蘆就可以解決當(dāng)下的育兒難題，仿佛育兒是個(gè)單選題，選對(duì)正確答案就一切OK。但是這怎么可能呢？
 

※育兒疑惑多，外力助幾許？※

 
處在這個(gè)網(wǎng)絡(luò)盛行的時(shí)代，我們很輕松便可以搜索到各類育兒資訊。無(wú)論遇到什么問(wèn)題，百度一下，google一下，或者bing一下，答案就有了。更何況，很多育兒網(wǎng)站還開(kāi)辟了專家答疑的頻道，為我們提供了與專家們“近距離”接觸的機(jī)會(huì)。于是，有問(wèn)題，搜一下，問(wèn)一嘴，解決問(wèn)題的方法便有了。若一問(wèn)解決不了問(wèn)題，還可以再問(wèn)、三問(wèn)……N問(wèn)，坐等答案就好了。如此便捷又無(wú)需費(fèi)心思量的方式，誰(shuí)不想好好利用呢？
 
依賴搜索引擎，依賴專家的解答，成了很多父母養(yǎng)育孩子的拐棍。這原本沒(méi)什么不好。只是，當(dāng)我們過(guò)于依賴這一切來(lái)解決育兒?jiǎn)栴}的時(shí)候，我們的大腦歇下了，我們的智慧沉睡了，我們處理問(wèn)題的方式方法變得整齊劃一了，就像工廠的流水線，簡(jiǎn)便、快捷、機(jī)械，卻失去了靈性，缺乏了生命力。加上網(wǎng)絡(luò)提供的答案大都比較粗線條，注重普遍性，忽略了特殊性，而專家們又只能根據(jù)自身的經(jīng)驗(yàn)與專業(yè)背景，利用業(yè)余時(shí)間無(wú)償為大家服務(wù)，對(duì)所提問(wèn)題產(chǎn)生的背景不甚了了，加上時(shí)間精力有限，回復(fù)問(wèn)題難免有不及時(shí)、不全面、不夠具有指導(dǎo)意義的時(shí)候。若我們一心期待這個(gè)答案去解決問(wèn)題，難免等得心焦，又若答案不如意，提供的方法不能有效地解決問(wèn)題，難免失望，甚至因此生起情緒，我們依賴外在力量解決問(wèn)題就成了不那么稱心的一件事。
 

※一問(wèn)再問(wèn)迷花眼，反誤了最佳時(shí)機(jī)※

 
尋求外援，當(dāng)然是解決問(wèn)題的方式之一。但“外力”是否有效，則取決于多種因素。如，我們是否問(wèn)對(duì)了人，找對(duì)了答案？專家提供的方案是否“對(duì)癥”？我們面臨的問(wèn)題是否具有特殊性？在使用某種方法解決問(wèn)題之后，若引發(fā)新的問(wèn)題，又當(dāng)如何應(yīng)對(duì)？若不同的專家提供了不同的答案，我們?cè)撀?tīng)誰(shuí)的，會(huì)不會(huì)變得更不知所措？
 
佛家講究因果。育兒其實(shí)也離不開(kāi)因果。問(wèn)題的產(chǎn)生終歸是有其原因的，而針對(duì)不同的家庭背景、不同的孩子，這個(gè)“因”往往各不相同。這種特殊性決定了我們需要根據(jù)孩子的性格特點(diǎn)、事情的前因后果、發(fā)展態(tài)勢(shì)舉一反三，靈活調(diào)整我們處理問(wèn)題的方式。若拋開(kāi)“因”，單純盯著“果”去解決問(wèn)題，往往不能從根本上解決或消除問(wèn)題，甚至可能產(chǎn)生連環(huán)效應(yīng)，帶來(lái)更多新的問(wèn)題。若我們別著勁與孩子對(duì)抗，或因?yàn)楫?dāng)時(shí)的無(wú)作為，則又會(huì)喪失處理問(wèn)題的最佳時(shí)機(jī)。
 
處理問(wèn)題是個(gè)動(dòng)態(tài)的過(guò)程，這個(gè)動(dòng)態(tài)的過(guò)程朝著什么方向發(fā)展則受諸多因素的影響。
 
因此，我們需要審時(shí)度勢(shì)，順勢(shì)而為。無(wú)論哪種途徑獲得的答案，都不見(jiàn)得是最佳的方案，也許與我們的實(shí)際情況相去十萬(wàn)八千里。最好的方案，一定來(lái)自我們自己。
 

※育兒乃是主觀題，歸于外豈能如愿？※

 
育兒，首先是父母自己的事。
 
孩子是獨(dú)立的個(gè)體，即使是某個(gè)看似普遍的“問(wèn)題”呈現(xiàn)，人、事、地、時(shí)有異，處理問(wèn)題的方式也當(dāng)因人、事、地、時(shí)而不同。
 
育兒不是單選題，答案不在他處，而在我們自己。求外，能帶給我們一些啟示，但求外之后，懂得舉一反三，懂得變通與轉(zhuǎn)化，才是真正悟得了育兒之道。
 
讀書(shū)，網(wǎng)絡(luò)上尋求答案，咨詢專家與育兒達(dá)人，然后將這些資訊整合、消化、吸收、轉(zhuǎn)化，變成自己的東西，在面臨問(wèn)題時(shí)，才懂得變化，才能游刃有余地派生出應(yīng)對(duì)的智慧。建議大家注意以下幾點(diǎn)：
 
1、多了解與孩子身心發(fā)展相關(guān)的知識(shí)。懂孩子，才能胸有成竹，看到本質(zhì)，不為現(xiàn)象所迷惑。
 
2、獲取資訊時(shí)，多吸取一些充滿正能量的內(nèi)容。這些內(nèi)容能帶給我們力量，幫助我們以積極的正面的心態(tài)看待孩子的“問(wèn)題”。否則，我們會(huì)更焦慮，對(duì)解決育兒?jiǎn)栴}無(wú)益。
 
3、盡信書(shū)不如無(wú)書(shū)，盡信專家不如無(wú)專家，盡信網(wǎng)絡(luò)不如無(wú)網(wǎng)絡(luò)……不管讀到什么樣的觀點(diǎn)，不要輕信，一定要有自己獨(dú)到的見(jiàn)解。
 
4、獲取相關(guān)資訊時(shí)，要考慮某個(gè)觀點(diǎn)產(chǎn)生的大前提。忽視了大前提，盲目地信奉某些觀點(diǎn)，只會(huì)害了孩子。
 
5、多觀察孩子，了解孩子行為背后的因。懂孩子，解決問(wèn)題的方案自然呈現(xiàn)。
 

※抓住當(dāng)下，淡定育兒※

 
之所以一發(fā)現(xiàn)問(wèn)題便慌慌張張四處尋求幫助，一個(gè)很重要的原因是我們忽視了孩子行為背后的積極意義，看到的都是孩子行為背后的“問(wèn)題”，不清楚如何應(yīng)對(duì)，并因此生起恐懼、焦慮的情緒。當(dāng)我們恐懼、焦慮時(shí)，我們的心不定，心不定，育兒的智慧就被掩埋了。
 
實(shí)際上，孩子成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中，那些貌似“不好”的行為都是孩子心智發(fā)育到一定階段必然的產(chǎn)物，都有其積極意義。如孩子的“攻擊”行為，實(shí)際上不過(guò)是他社會(huì)交往需求出現(xiàn)的表現(xiàn)。我們完全不需要焦慮。相反，當(dāng)孩子以這樣的方式表達(dá)他有了交往的欲望時(shí)，我們不需要去遏制孩子，只需要傳遞給孩子正確的交往技巧，幫助他以更好地方式去表達(dá)就好。
 
既然孩子的每個(gè)行為背后都有其積極意義，我們就可以更正面、更積極的心態(tài)去看待它。當(dāng)然，以正面的積極的心態(tài)看待孩子的行為，并不等同于我們要放任孩子。只是，我們看問(wèn)題的角度不一樣了，就不容易跟孩子較勁，不容易焦慮，而是可以更淡定。當(dāng)我們更淡定了，很多育兒的智慧才會(huì)自然生發(fā)。
 
育兒路上難以淡定的另一個(gè)原因是，孩子小，過(guò)于依賴我們，使我們與孩子之間的關(guān)系過(guò)于粘連，終至有失去自我的感覺(jué)。失去了自我，恐慌便產(chǎn)生了。實(shí)際上，這種恐慌完全沒(méi)有必要。孩子與我們?nèi)绱苏尺B，不過(guò)出生頭幾年而已。之后，他必定一步步遠(yuǎn)離我們。等我們幡然醒悟，看到的只是他義無(wú)反顧的背影。那時(shí)，再想要與孩子親近已是枉然。明白這個(gè)道理，我們自可以享受當(dāng)下，淡定育兒。如此，諸多的煩惱自然就滅了。

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